Floods and Bloods
by rogue empress
Summary: Xena awakes with no memory of the last three days, and finds Gabrielle missing. She incites the help of Joxer to find her.  Will they get to her before it's too late?  Where have she and Xena been the last three days?
1. Waking with a nightmare

I don't own anything, yadda yadda yadda.

Holy God protect us Lord. I've crossed over to the dark side.

* * *

A surprise downpour awakened Xena from a deep disorientating sleep about an hour before sunrise. She cursed under her breath and began gathering up her weapons and armor to get them out of the rain that was stinging her skin.

"Gabrielle, wake up, we need to build a tent." It seemed odd that her friend hadn't been awakened by the cold rain.

There was no answer. Xena stopped rolling up her bedclothes and looked around. It hadn't been a surprise downpour after all; what was dry, rock-hard ground beneath her sleeping mat was now pliant and pooling water and her bedclothes were sopping wet all the way through. It had been raining like that for hours, and Xena did not see Gabrielle anywhere. She sprang up to call for her and quickly crumpled back to the earth with a splash as her legs were apparently paralyzed. She'd been drugged.

---

Gabrielle came to awareness in the darkness under the cold downpour as she was dragging her uncooperative body through the forest. One of her legs was stiff and seemed to be defying her wishes to walk. It dragged behind her awkwardly as she fought with it. She didn't know where she was, where she had just come from, nor where she was going, but she was running from something. Her conscious mind slowly caught up with her movements and she screamed in sudden agony and fell to the mud beside a knotted tree. The stiff and defiant leg was dislocated at the hip and badly broken in the shin. She reached for it in pain and discovered her wrists were broken as well, and her clothes were in shreds. Shivering in the cold rain only hurt her battered muscles more and Gabrielle soon passed out in exhaustion.

---

Xena managed to muscle herself up onto Argo and began riding around in search of Gabrielle. It was useless to track her, the rain was distorting all of the impressions in the earth, and so Xena attempted to cover as much ground as possible in the hopes of being able to spot her friend's golden hair somewhere in the dark thicket. She rode for hours in increasing fear, and when the sun began to set, she knew she would never be able to find her in this forest. Not without help.

Argo brought Xena practically into the saloon where the jovial voice of Joxer cut through the rumbling murmur of bar patrons like nails on a chalkboard. She stormed in, the effects of the drug completely worn off by then, and grabbed Joxer firmly by the arm.

"Ow." He said, turning and swatting at her hand. "Xena--" he stopped when he looked up at her, his face falling cold at the sight of her. "By the gods, Xena, what happened?"

"Gabrielle is gone. I think she was kidnaped."

"Kidnaped?? By who?"

"I don't know, I was asleep. I'm not sure it matters. Joxer, I need your help to find her."

Joxer nodded, fear and concern in his eyes, and followed Xena out.

"I still don't understand how she could have been kidnaped." He was saying as they rode across the field towards the place where Xena had awakened. "Xena, I've seen you come out of a deep sleep and chakram the heads off of squirrels that hopped too close to your campsite."

They reached the place and Xena jumped down off of Argo. "I was drugged, Joxer. I don't even know how long I've been asleep. It may have been days."

Joxer dismounted as well. "Can't we just track her?"

"No, the flood is erasing all of the impressions in the ground."

"So what can we do?"

"In order to find her I'd have to comb this entire thicket, and I simply can't do that by myself fast enough. Gabrielle is probably badly hurt or dying somewhere. We'll call the campsite the middle of the forest. I need you to take the eastern side and I'll take the west and we'll meet up in three days at the other side, near the river." She turned to go her way.

"Maybe if we asked some of the villagers to help," Joxer began, but Xena turned and shook her head in disagreement.

"No," She said sadly, "Since I have no idea who would have done this, I can't trust anyone but you. It's up to us to find her before her time runs out." She mounted Argo and turned her to the west.

"Xena," Joxer called. "The villagers were saying if it keeps raining like this, the thicket could _be_ the river by that time."

"Then pray for the drought to return." She said over her shoulder, and galloped Argo away.

Joxer searched hard and long through the freezing rain, until well after the sun had set, and would have continued through to dawn if he had been able to bear the cold any longer. He finally sat down beneath a sheltering tree and fell into a fitful sleep.

---

When Gabrielle awoke it was in the very first stages of dawn, and it had stopped raining. She managed to pull herself out of the mud she'd sunk into and began half crawling, half dragging herself in the direction she'd been heading the night before. She was still running from something, even though she didn't know what, she knew she couldn't stay in one place for too long.

The cold rain had done her no good; she now had a wet, racking cough and could not stop shivering even as the sun grew quickly hot and turned the thicket into an oven. Her body was simply losing her fight and Gabrielle passed out again only a few yards from her tree.

Suddenly there were soldiers all around her, jeering each other on. She woke and found herself cornered in a cell with no windows and three or four men were beating her and tearing at her clothes, threatening that they were going to rape her until she died. Gabrielle was screaming out for Xena but one of the soldiers had kicked her in the throat and she couldn't yell loud enough for anyone to hear above the chants of the men.

--

Joxer awoke to the quiet early morning sun, thanking the gods for stopping the rain. He stripped out of his wet armor and hung it on a branch to dry, leaving on a damp cotton shirt and wet pants, and picked up his sword to look for a quick meal before he continued his search for Gabrielle.

He had only gone about 20 yards from his campsite when he began to hear the sound of someone crying. "Xena?" He called. He didn't think of her as one who would cry, but he'd never seen her as panicked as he had the day before. As he climbed up a hill, though, Joxer spotted Gabrielle laying in the mud, in a feverish sleep, crying out in terror. "Oh, no," he said under his breath, and ran to her. "Gabrielle!!"

Joxer was on his knees beside her in a flash. He gently took a hold of her black and blue body and turned her over, cradling her up out of the mud as much as he could. She only half awoke from her nightmare and began crying out and hysterically trying to fight free from Joxer's arms.

"No! No!! Let me go!! Oh, please, let me go!!!"

She was thrashing and Joxer knew she was hurting herself worse. He grabbed a hold of her more firmly to try and still her movements. "Gabrielle, stop, I'm not going to hurt you. Gabrielle, wake up! It's me, Joxer. Gabrielle??"

The dream peeled away from her green eyes and she looked up at him in disbelief. "Joxer?" She whispered. She was pretty much naked in her tattered clothes and ice-cold to the touch. Joxer peeled out of his now-dry shirt and covered her with it as best he could. "Joxer??"

"It's me, Gabby. I've got you."

Her arms came out of their defensive position and wrapped around his neck and body with surprising strength. Gabrielle clung to him and shook as loud sobs wracked her body. He held her gently, trying not to press into any of the hundreds of bruises and cuts that covered her, and put his cheek to her head. "I've got you now." He whispered, rocking her gently.


	2. Cold dispair

On with the show.

Still, nothing is mine.

* * *

Xena was fighting panic and a splitting headache as she walked Argo to a high place and turned her loose there. She'd rode through the night, calling for her friend, and had found no sign of her. It had started pouring again and parts of the forest were underwater. Argo needed a rest and a way to get out of the forest if the floodgates broke at the river. Because flood or no flood, Xena would not be leaving the forest unless she had found Gabrielle. Xena combed through every piece of ground she could, crawling or swimming through the cold flood water in case Gabrielle was unconscious and in the water somewhere. She knew she should have stopped and built a fire to dry herself off when the rain stopped, but every moment wasted was another moment closer to failure, and she ignored her body's pleads for warmth. She had to find her friend. 

The moon the night before had given her a sense of peril. According to its stage, Xena had lost almost four days. Any number of things could have happened to them in that time, and it wasn't helping her nerves at all. As the sun began to set she noticed she was shaking, probably going into hypothermia, but she refused to rest. The growing darkness brought a growing sense of doom as Xena searched meticulously through every bush she saw for a sign of Gabrielle. In the flowing flood water she stood in, Gabrielle's necklace washed up and wrapped itself around Xena's leg. She blinked unwelcome tears away as she picked it out of the water and pushed onward, willing herself to think positively.

The rain stopped briefly as the sun swept low on the horizon, lighting the shimmering forest in a crimson jeweled fire, and without the roar of raindrops, Xena could suddenly hear the sound of Joxer yelling. She ran towards the sound, up a hill to reveal Joxer wading through waste-deep rapids that had formed in the valley. Argo was behind him, helping him to push against the current with her grand head at his back, and in his arms lay a limp and battered Gabrielle. Xena flew down the hill towards them, helping Argo pull him out of the unstable banks and up onto high ground.

"Joxer," she said as he laid Gabrielle down on the ground and collapsed beside her in exhaustion. "How did you find me?"

"Argo found us," he said, panting. "Xena, the floodgates have broken, everything is under water. If Argo hadn't come, we would have drowned."

"Where did you find her?" Xena asked, taking Joxer's shirt off of Gabrielle and assessing her wounds quickly.

"Couldn't tell you. She's been unconscious for a while, but she was awake when I found her."

"Did she say anything about where she's been?"

"No. Xena, she just clung to me and cried like a little baby. I've never seen her that afraid."

"Her leg is dislocated and broken," she said, almost to herself, and put the pinch on Gabrielle's hip to cut off any sensation as she shoved her leg back into socket and then set the bones at her shin. She took off her arm guards and tied them together, fashioning a splint for Gabrielle's leg. In doing so, she revealed dark bruises on her wrists that looked unmistakably like ligature marks.

Joxer noticed her looking at her wrists with confusion. "Xena what happened to you guys?" He asked.

Almost as an answer to his question, the sky let loose.

"We need to get her out of the rain." Xena said and struggled to lift Gabrielle up off the ground. She was weaker than she expected and it occurred to her that she probably hadn't eaten for days. Joxer reached in quickly and helped her put Gabrielle onto Argo. Xena looked at him in a way that conveyed unspoken thanks and then mounted behind her friend to hold her on the horse. Joxer took the reins from Xena and led the two out of the forest onto the high plains and back towards the village.

"I've got a cottage in that town," he explained.

"Joxer, where's your armor?" Xena asked, fighting to stay awake as they trod weakly through the rain, just now noticing that he was bare-chested.

"There wasn't time to go back for it. It's under water somewhere by now." There was a tone in his voice Xena hadn't heard before. It wasn't one of sadness, but of duty, and Xena looked on him newly with great respect as the village came into view.

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Commercial break. :) 


	3. Fire and memory pt1

Thanks for all the reviews! This next chapter is split into two parts, so that I can warn you that due to extremely violent themes, the next installment or two will bump this fic up to a Mature rating. Steel yourself if you are weak-stomached, because I'm not at all, and the part coming up after this one gets to me big time.

* * *

By the time they reached Joxer's cottage, Xena's hypothermia had advanced to the point where she drifted in and out of sleep, and had trouble making sense of anything. 

"Where are we going?" She asked for the third time.

Joxer had realized that she was suffering from the cold at about the fourth time she asked him what he thought he was doing with Argo's reins, and reassured her current query with a simple, "someplace warm."

The cottage was only a few buildings in on the outside of town. It was a comfortable size, very well-kept on the outside, and right next door to the town stables. Xena had a few brief moments of lucidity as Joxer led Argo underneath the porch roof, and found it very strange when Joxer raised his arm and knocked.

"I thought you lived here." She said.

"I do," he started defensively, working up a story, then decided he didn't have the energy for a lie. "I only rent the cottage from the stabler part of the year, but so does another family and a couple of traveling magicians. This isn't my normal time to be here." When no one answered his second knock, he pulled out a key and opened the door.

To Xena's surprise and confusion, Joxer left them on the horse outside and darted in to the warm cottage by himself. He returned with a thick woolen blanket and, to Xena's surprise again, threw it over her shoulders before helping her off the horse. They pulled Gabrielle's unconscious form off of Argo and carried her inside.

The house's furnishings were not as comfortable as it's size. They included two small beds, a table, and a big chair. Joxer and Xena carried Gabrielle to one of the beds and laid her very carefully on it. Once she was covered with a few blankets, Joxer grabbed a hold of the bed posts and started to pull the bed across the great room towards the fireplace. He only made it a few steps before Xena jumped in and began pushing from the other side. At the fireplace, Joxer stood and cracked his back, laughing nervously.

"Those solid oak bedframes are a lot heavier than they used to be," he said.

"They're pine." Xena said absently.

Joxer cleared his throat, and pretended to inspect the post his hand lingered on. "Oh, so they are." Then he turned and threw wood and kindling into the fireplace and lit it. Without saying anything, he went back to the other side of the room and pushed the remaining bed to join its mate.

Xena was standing over Gabrielle, still wrapped in Joxer's blanket, her face twisted with worry, her eyes lost within herself. She hadn't noticed Joxer returning with the other bed. He came to her and touched her on the arm, then gestured to the other bed.

"I'm going to go put Argo away and talk to the stabler," He said quietly.

Xena, tears pooling in her eyes, merely nodded and turned her attention back onto Gabrielle.

"You need to rest," he said, a strange hidden insistence in his voice made Xena look at him again. "I can't lose you both right now."

* * *

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	4. Fire and memory pt2

So I'm dragging it out a little more. As usual, nothing is mine except what no one else wants.

Also remember this is now rated M due to violence and I don't intend on painting anything with glitter to make it less upsetting.

* * *

Xena sat down on the floor next to Gabrielle's bed and took to stripping her friend of her wet clothes and trying to dry her hair with a sheet she pulled from the other bed. After getting Gabrielle's blond locks as dry as she could, she squeezed her own hair out into the sheet and then threw her own blanket on top of the others that were piled on top of Gabrielle. The fire Joxer built was huge and blazing in mad abandon, quickly turning the cottage into a large log-and-tar heat locker. Xena was still shivering, though, and took the remaining blanket off the other bed and wrapped herself in it, leaving the mattress completely naked. 

Time seemed to nearly stop as Xena waited for Joxer to get back. She was concerned for his health, too, now that she was warm and lucid, knowing he'd been in those cold rapids in nothing but his pants and the boots he was still walking around in. Gabrielle, Xena guessed, had slipped into a coma from the cold or shock, but was breathing deeply now and beginning to get some color other than blue back into her face. Xena watched her intensely from her bedside, her chin resting on the mattress near Gabrielle's face, she stroked Gabrielle's hair and tried to will her back from the brink of death.

"C'mon, Gabrielle," she whispered, "please, don't give in now." Hot tears sprinted down her cheeks. "You can't leave me here without you, Gabrielle, I'm not ready. I'm not strong enough." She wiped her face with her arm and then rested her head on her elbow on the mattress where she could still watch her friend. Soon the rhythmic sound of her breathing lulled Xena into a deep, hard sleep.

Joxer returned soon after, finding Xena on the floor next to Gabrielle's bed, wrapped in a sheet, the drying tears on her face lit up in the firelight like glass. He pulled a pile of blankets from a leather bag he'd procured and wrapped Xena in another thick woolen blanket. She didn't stir a bit. He left the room and changed his own clothes, then put a cauldron of stew on the fireplace and hung his boots off the mantle to drip dry. He sat down in the big chair that he dragged up to where he could stir the stew from it, and wept bitterly, all the while trying not to wake Xena or Gabrielle. But it wasn't them he cried for.

There was no justice in the world, he thought. It was no random coincidence that he had been in this town when Xena found him. He was waiting for someone. To be precise, he was waiting for a funeral.

A week earlier, a letter had come to him in Athens from his sister, Mira. Her village had been plundered by a group of zealots looking for some kind of king. They slaughtered all the boys in the village that were about a year old and met a certain description. Mira's three-year-old son, Lucius, was executed along with twelve other boys. They were coming back to the cottage to bury him because it was his favorite place to visit. And no matter how much he tried to prepare himself, Joxer knew he would not be able to bear seeing the light of the family brought to town in a little box.

The stew was done cooking, and Joxer took the cauldron off the fire and put it on the table, poured himself a bowl of it, and then decided he wasn't in the mood to eat. He poured his helping back into the pot and looked around. Xena and Gabrielle were still sleeping soundly, but the meager furnishings and the lack of dry clothes for them unsettled Joxer a little bit. He put on his now-dry boots and went back to town.

It was not long after this that Xena was wrenched from her sleep by a blood-curdling cry. Gabrielle began thrashing in the bed and crying, cursing, muttering incoherent words. Xena wasn't sure whether to wake her or not, but the next thing that Gabrielle said made up her mind for her.

She called out for Xena in a long, pain -filled cry, and then repeated it, over and over, crying so hard her breath came in shattered waves. In all their travels and the peril they'd lived through and all the times Gabrielle had called to her friend for help, Xena had never heard her sound like this. Her own heart broke at the sound of it, and she fluttered around Gabrielle's head trying to wake her.

"I'm right here, Gabrielle, just open your eyes." She was shouting over the bard's calls of mourning, trying hard not to panic. "Gabrielle, you have to wake up. I'm right here."

Eventually Gabrielle opened her eyes, and looking at Xena, she caught her breath for a second. "Xena?" she asked, her voice raw from screaming; her hand drifted out to validate her but then shied away, unsure.

Xena took hold of Gabrielle's disbelieving hand and squeezed it tight. "I'm right here," she said.

"It can't be." She said, wanting to cry all over again. "They told me you were dead."

"No, I'm right here with you."

"But I saw your corpse. They showed it to me, hang-" she swallowed and tried again, "hanging in that device..."

"Who showed you?"

"Those men...I don't remember...don't remember what they were called. Xena, they _killed you." _She stopped and dropped eye contact with Xena. "..._I_ killed you."

"What?"

"Xena, how are you not dead?"

"I don't know, Gabrielle, I don't remember anything."

"You--" she began to shiver violently. "You don't remember that place?"

"No, I don't."

For a split second, her face revealed a hint of satisfaction tangled in all the pain. "Good," she said. "Xena, I'm so cold." She turned onto her side and curled up, looking for warmth.

"Your clothes were wet," she explained, finding the stack of blankets and throwing another one onto Gabrielle, who grabbed a hold of Xena's had again when she was through fussing with her blankets. "When Joxer gets back I'll go to town and buy us both something dry to wear."

Gabrielle was drifting back to sleep, not registering what Xena was talking about. She pulled in her arm, bringing Xena's hand under the blankets; she kissed the deep purple ring on Xena's wrist and then tucked her hand against her throat. "I'm so sorry," she said, whispering, looking intensely into the warrior's blue eyes. "I should have been stronger for you." She broke into tears again. "Xena, I'm so sorry I killed you."

Xena could only cry in response. She didn't know what else to do.

* * *

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	5. Who You Are

Sorry for the long delay. I had trouble with this chapter, I'm afraid of making Joxer a little too out of character and so I had to do some thinking about him and such. Also, this is really horrific, and I'm hesitating even continuing based on its sheer gore factor.

All characters and such belong to someone else. Everything else is mine. ... not that anyone would want it anyways.

I apologize in advance in case this makes you want to pull your hair out.

* * *

Joxer returned to find Xena staring into the fire, still on the floor next to Gabrielle's bed. Seeing the expression on her face, he spoke gently as he laid the things he'd bought onto the table next to the pot of stew. "Hey Xena." He said. 

She turned to him as though she hadn't heard him come in. "Oh, hi Joxer."

"Has she woken up yet?" He asked.

"Yes, once. She told me some things but they didn't make any sense."

Joxer looked into the pot of stew. "Have you two eaten?"

"Gabrielle was only awake for a few minutes, she was too exhausted to think about eating."

"What about you?" She waved her hand at him to dismiss his concern. He fixed her a bowl anyway. "It should still be hot, that cauldron is good at keeping heat in."

She didn't fight him after she got a sniff of the stew in front of her face. "This isn't that stuff that gave everyone the trots, is it?"

He smiled weakly. "No, it's not."

Xena drank a spoonful as she watched Joxer go about unpacking the things he'd bought in market. "You okay, Joxer?" She didn't like to see him back down from a playful argument, it wasn't like him.

Joxer stopped what he was doing and came around the room to sit on the chair with a heavy sigh. "Well, no, actually, I'm not."

"What's wrong?"

"I um, well, I'm meeting someone here in a few days. My sister."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

"Yeah, well, technically she's my cousin, but my parents raised her after my aunt and uncle died of fever." He swallowed hard and tried to tell Xena the story, but the thought of the word, "funeral" in conjunction with his baby nephew made his tongue into concrete.

She watched him struggle for words for a moment before she asked him, "Joxer, did something happen to your sister?"

"No. Well, yes. I don't know. Um, see, a week ago," he reached to his pocket and produced a folded and worn piece of parchment, "this letter came to me in Athens."

Xena read the simple sentences and looked at Joxer in question, not understanding. "Who is Lucius?"

"My nephew. He, um – well, he was part of a massacre in their village." He was choking on the syllables as they came from his mouth, "he's three years old."

"Joxer, I'm so sorry." She reached for his arm to give it a comforting squeeze but he dodged her and she recoiled, understanding.

"They're traveling from the east out here to bury him in this village. They were going to stay here but I haven't paid rent and the landlord took my furniture as payment. I don't know what to do, the kids can sleep on the floor, but there are no chairs..." He drifted off, looking up at Xena as though he had forgotten she was there. "I shouldn't be bothering you with this."

"What kind of friend would I be if..." She trailed off here, too, realizing that comforting him would only break his already fragile sense of preservation. "If you need some money, Joxer, we've saved up quite a bit."

"No, I couldn't – Xena, you're going to need that money now for medicine and –"

"I've got medicine too," she interrupted. "Please, let me help you, you've done so much for us already."

He nodded ever so slightly and then cleared his throat and stood up, going back to the table and fussing around with some boxes. "Xena, I got you two some clothes when I was in town." He handed her two boxes. "Only one each but I didn't know your sizes or what you would like and so..."

"Thank you." She said, interrupting his needless apology.

"Um, that one's for you and the other is for Gabrielle." He fidgeted for a minute, "I have to go to the stabler and work out a few more things, so you two can change out of your wet clothes, and maybe eat some more."

Xena nodded and thanked him and he left the cottage once again. She opened the box that was hers and pulled out an understated rust-colored dress with white embroidery around the collar and sleeves and hem. As Xena took off her upper arm guards she noticed more deep bruises there. It was painful to slide the bands off of the swollen flesh, one of them had become imbedded in her skin and a thin trail of blood ran down her left arm. Xena was further confused and frustrated as she discovered more black and purple ligature marks on her body and still had no memory of how she got them. In taking off the rest of her armor, she discovered the bruises ran in bands across her breasts, ribs, hips, as well as her shins and ankles. She slid sorely into the dress Joxer had given her and smiled to herself after it was on. He had guessed at their sizes and it was too long by about four inches, at least, but it was very soft and comfortable.

She rolled up the sleeves and began to wake Gabrielle to get her out of her wet clothes, if you could even call them that. When Gabrielle awoke, she was still delirious.

"Xena?" She asked. "What's going on?"

"We have to get you out of your wet clothes, Gabrielle, c'mon." Xena began to help her undress, but Gabrielle seized Xena's fingers threateningly, staying them at her shoulder. "Ow. Gabrielle, let go, you have to get into dry clothes or you'll get sick."

"I won't." She stated. "I won't take my clothes off. I don't know who you are or what you're trying to do, but you can just forget about it."

"What are you talking about, Gabrielle? It's me, Xena. C'mon there's not much to those rags you're wearing in the first place, let's just get you into this dress Joxer bought for you."

"Joxer?" She asked, then beat away Xena's hand again. "I don't know anyone named Joxer."

"Of course you do, he's our friend."

"What do you mean 'our' friend? Who are you?"

"Gabrielle it's me, Xena. You know me."

"Nice try. Xena's dead. I may be confused but I remember that. I killed her. I don't know who you are. You're trying to trick me and I'm not falling for it."

"Gabrielle, you're delirious. I'm not dead, I'm right here with you. Listen, you didn't kill me. I know you; you couldn't do something like that. You wouldn't. Just like I wouldn't hurt you. You know me, Gabrielle, you can trust me. You need to put on this dry dress, and I'm going to have to help you because your wrists are broken." Xena reached slowly for the torn strap at Gabrielle's shoulder once again.

Gabrielle turned on her, clawed her face in one hard swipe and screamed, "Get your hands off me!!" She stumbled grossly from the bed and dragged herself to a corner and sat there shaking, muttering, "I won't, I won't, I won't..." When Xena came slowly across the room into view of her friend, Gabrielle was in tears. As Xena neared her, she looked up and screamed, "Why are you torturing us?!"

Xena knelt down a ways away from Gabrielle. "You have to trust me, Gabrielle. I swear to you, I'm trying to help you." Xena suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

That sentence seemed to strike a bell of dread within Gabrielle and she began sobbing, pleading, begging for mercy. Xena grabbed at her stomach as another wave of nausea came over her, and as the pressure from her hand fell across the deep bruise there, it hit her.

She remembered where they'd been.

* * *


	6. Holding On

So here's the chapter that makes me sick.

Apologies in advance.

Also, a small request for my readers: I really seriously enjoy your detailed reviews of each chapter. The specificity of your comments really helps me to shape the rest of the story, and I love you for it. For this chapter though, I am requesting that you keep your reviews free of spoilers, in case someone new comes along and reads reviews before the story. Next chapter you may continue your reviews as you like, (and as I like lol) but for this one, please keep it as ambivalent and vague as you can. THANKS!

Characters and such belong to universal, (I guess) and renaissance pictures (right?). Story belongs to me.

Flashbacks, from now on, are in italics.

* * *

_It had been a good day. A stress-free day. They'd settled a town brawl that morning without drawing weapons once and spent the rest of the day a few towns over in an annual summer solstice festival. When it came time for them to leave and make camp, they were both full of ale and tales of men making overtures to them and giving them strange gifts during the day. They spent most of the evening laying beside each other, sharing stories and laughing, and fell asleep that way, with the dinner fire still burning at their feet._

_Gabrielle kicked Xena and shouted as a small dart struck her. Xena reached for the dart to pull it out of her friend's neck, but stopped mid-motion as a dart struck her own neck, and her arm fell to the ground, useless. They were paralyzed._

_Much of the journey was a blur, they had no sensation in their bodies whatsoever, but could see that they were being dragged by two men through the thicket back towards the village they'd helped. And then they were blindfolded and Xena could no longer tell which direction they were heading._

_When her blindfold was removed, Xena was being strapped onto a table that stood vertically against a wall. Once she was secured, a young man stuffed some sort of salve down her throat that paralyzed her voice box. Then the men grabbed a hold of chains and ropes and pulled the table up along a track until Xena hung about four feet from the ground. A small window was opened in front of her and Xena watched in horror as Gabrielle was thrown in to a room._

_Three men came at her and poured what was apparently the antidote to the poison in the darts down her throat. It took effect almost immediately and Gabrielle wasted no time taking the three of them down and running towards the door. She was thrown back by more men and held down a second time as something else was poured down her throat. Those men exited and another man entered, this one was taller and clearly the one in charge. He knelt down beside Gabrielle and petted and spoke to her like she was a child or a dog. It made Xena sick._

_"Now look what you've done. You silly thing. I was going to help you and then you went and ruined it by hurting my men. Now everything is going to be worse. I really wish you hadn't done that. You made me give you this," he held up the wineskin the other men had discarded, "and it does very nasty things to your pretty little mind."_

_"Who are you?" Gabrielle asked, appearing distracted by something around her._

_"I'm going to help you." He answered. "You and your friend have a sickness in your souls, and I'm going to take that sickness away."_

_"Xena and I are not sick." Gabrielle answered, swatting at her arms._

_"Oh," he said, stroking her hair, "so there __**are**__ two of you. And her name is Xena? Interesting."_

_For a moment Gabrielle thought she'd betrayed Xena and began back pedaling. "That was that woman in camp with me. Isn't that what you meant? But I don't know her that well. She was interested in buying a couple of my scrolls and ..." she trailed off. "Where did all these spiders come from?"_

_"Those spiders are divine creatures," he answered, taking her by the chin and turning her face to look at him. "They only appear when someone is not telling the truth." And then he hit her, hard, and left the room._

_Gabrielle hallucinated alone for about twenty minutes before the tall man returned with two guards. The guards seized her by the arms and held her up to the tall man. "We've found your friend Xena in the woods." he told her. "She hurt some of my men, so she's being punished."_

_Someone in the distance cracked a whip and a woman was heard crying out. _

_"Oh gods," Gabrielle whispered and then fought against the restraint of the guards, "Xena!"_

_"She has told us that you love one another." He continued. "Is this true?"_

_Gabrielle was crying already, the drugs clearly messing with her emotions. When she didn't answer, she was struck in the face._

_"Is this true?" the tall man demanded, then struck her again._

_"Yes, yes." Gabrielle answered in pain, and then begged, "don't hurt her. She's my family." _

_The tall man laughed and then said, "You let us take care of her. These men are here to get the sickness out of you, and then you can help us get it out of Xena."_

_The straps around Xena's legs and arms were tightened, and she was forced to watch as Gabrielle was beaten and raped. Each of the five guards took turns on her, and before each one began, they said to Gabrielle, "I'm only trying to help you."_

_Gabrielle cried out for Xena, begged, pleaded, screamed, thinking somehow maybe she would hear her and come to her aide. Xena tore against the restraints, shook, struggled and wept, but was unable to get free. _

_The guards finally left, staggering in exhaustion, and Gabrielle was left alone for a whole day. Xena, on the other hand, was taken down from the table to be bombarded with psychological war, drugged, beaten, and tortured into utter exhaustion, and then, when the tall man became frustrated with her lack of "progress," she was strapped back onto the table and hoisted up to the window again. _

_The window opened and Xena watched as the tall man explained to Gabrielle that each time she called out for her friend, they would hurt Xena. Then they held her down, dumped more potion down her throat and took to assaulting her again. Gabrielle tried her hardest not to call out for Xena, but when the men brought in a wooden device and strapped her to it, she couldn't help herself, and screamed for her friend. They turned cranks and the joints of the table elongated, stretching Gabrielle's limbs as though they were trying to quarter her. They stopped when Gabrielle's leg dislocated and her wrists snapped, left her there for a few minutes and then returned with whips to strike her and men to violate her. _

_Each time Gabrielle called for Xena, the straps holding Xena to the table were tightened. Xena eventually lost consciousness and hung limp in the device. The next thing she knew, she was waking up back at camp._

Joxer returned to find Xena throwing up on the floor. He dropped the sealskin he was wearing at the door and ran to her, but Xena was diving towards Gabrielle. She gathered her blond friend up in her arms even as she screamed in fright and held on to her as they both cried.

"You didn't kill me," Xena cried. "Gabrielle, it was a trick. You didn't kill me." She asked for a horrified Joxer to bring her some rum, which she forced Gabrielle to drink, and then carried her into the alley as Gabrielle began retching violently.

Joxer followed them out. "What are you doing??" he asked Xena

"Rum makes her sick." Xena answered, patting Gabrielle's back as she vomited in the road.

"I can see that," Joxer answered, pulling Gabrielle away from Xena. "Why would you do something like that?"

"She was heavily drugged during her torture, this is going to get it out of her system fast." Joxer still thought Xena was a little too excited about making her friend barf in the street. "Run inside and get a blanket."

Joxer gave Xena a dirty look but then did as he was told. When he returned, Gabrielle was laying limp in Xena's arms. "You killed her!" he cried out.

"No, she's just exhausted." Xena answered condescendingly, took the blanket from Joxer and draped it over Gabrielle. "Help me get her inside."

Joxer helped carry Gabrielle back into the cottage, then became confused as Xena laid Gabrielle down on the floor in front of the fire, sat behind her and supported her back with her body. Joxer asked Xena why she didn't put Gabrielle into the bed, and from the look that Xena gave him, her silent answer was deafening clear. Xena needed to hold on to her.

* * *


	7. Secrets pt1

I didn't forget you! or the story. Here's just a tiny little thing to keep you going. PROMISE there's more to come soon.

* * *

Joxer and Xena fell asleep that night where they landed, - Xena cradling Gabrielle in front of the fireplace, and Joxer drooling over the edge of one of the beds, his arm hanging off and his hand wrapped around Gabrielle's for reassurance.

"Joxer?" The voice was hoarse, almost indistinct.

He snorted himself awake and looked around, disoriented before he felt someone squeeze his hand.

"Gabrielle?"

She smiled weakly at him. "Hi."

Joxer poured out of the bed, narrowly escaping landing on Xena and the certain death which followed, and crouched beside the bard, disbelief and worry painted on his face in a red flush. "Oh my gosh. Gabrielle, how are you feeling?"

Gabrielle smirked and let out a breath that might have been a laugh. "Just a little scratched up. I've had worse hangovers."

Joxer didn't appreciate her levity in this situation but he blew past it. "Are you hungry? Do you want some water, or," Joxer started to get up but Gabrielle wouldn't let go of his hand.

"No, Joxer, I'm fine right now. Where's Xena?"

Joxer looked up at the sleeping warrior and nodded in her direction. Gabrielle looked down at the arms around her waist as if she'd just noticed them, and tears sprung to her eyes. She blinked them away as she asked, "Is she okay?"

"She's been very worried about you." He said, "Other than that and a little fever from the rain, she's been her usual self." He pulled a blanket from the bed and draped it carefully over Gabrielle.

"Hey Joxer?" She asked as he started to tidy things up around the living room. He stopped and came over to her. "Does Xena remember what happened to her?"

"I don't know, she didn't tell me."

"Joxer?"

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, just -- Thank you."


	8. Comfort and Guilt

Hello! Told you the update would come soon. I should be able to continue regularly, but I'm not making any promises. 'Cuz you never know.

Anyways read this and then go check out Xedra's videos on youtube, cuz dood, they rock. I wish I knew how to make videos, but I lack the genius. She's better anyway.

I don't own anything. I own everything. Somewhere in there is the proper answer.

This is NOT THE END. PROMISE!

* * *

Gabrielle settled down into Xena's arms and went back to sleep as Joxer ran around tidying up and reheating some stew for breakfast. While the stew cooked and the women slept, Joxer wrote a letter to his sister appraising her of the situation. His knowledge of their attack was minimal, but he relayed that Gabrielle was bedridden and that Xena had suffered a fever from the rain. He knew better than to ask his sister if it would be alright that they stayed, for he'd surely get beaten and verbally abused for even THINKING that it wouldn't. She was charitable in a way that was almost chronic -- town mother from the age of ten.

Xena awoke slowly just as Joxer was handing the letter to a messenger and giving him half his fee, as was custom. She checked Gabrielle first thing to make sure she hadn't died, and when she found her pink and breathing, she planted a silent kiss on the back of Gabrielle's head. Afraid to wake the bard, she waited for Joxer to turn around before smiling her "good morning" and nodding in the direction of the bed, asking him to help her move Gabrielle.

Despite their skilled efforts not to wake her, Gabrielle's eyes came open the moment she was covered with the first blanket. "Hey," she started, taking the blanket and pushing it off her shoulder. Xena jumped at the opportunity to talk with Gabrielle. She knelt down beside the bed and pushed a strand of golden hair away from Gabrielle's face.

"Hey, Gabrielle, how are you feeling?" She asked in a near-whisper. Joxer stepped out to the garden to give them a little time to talk.

Gabrielle started to cry through her smile. She reached up and touched the warrior's face and just beamed at her. "I can't tell you how glad I am that you're not hurt."

"I was before we found you." She said so quietly, Gabrielle almost didn't hear her. Xena took Gabrielle's badly bruised hand in both of hers and rested their hands on the edge of the bed.

"Xena," she began, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks more freely as she uttered each word. "I was such a fool," she was taking it in short strides in an attempt to keep her emotions under control. "I'm so sorry."

"No--" Xena protested, in tears now herself. She fussed with her friend's hair as Gabrielle pushed forward.

The small whimper from the warrior had arrested any chance of staying calm. She was bawling at this point, but seized the shaking hand at her ear to make Xena listen. "They told me I had killed you, and I believed them. I - I gave up, Xena. I'm so sorry I wasn't stronger, I should have known, should have been smarter, I wouldn't have --"

"No, Gabrielle, stop." She commanded. "Stop. None of this was your fault. Don't you dare start thinking that. You were drugged. We both were. And even if we hadn't been...what those men...what they made you..." The warrior couldn't even finish the sentence. She slumped down onto her butt next to the bed and tried to cover her face with her arms as she shook with sobs, overwhelmed by a horror and guilt of her own. Gabrielle reached out and pulled Xena's arms away from her face, gathering her in to lay her head on the edge of the bed. She wrapped her arms around Xena's head, putting her cheek to her friend's dark mane, while Xena entwined her arms around Gabrielle's and held on tight as both women cried harder than they had since their children had died.

It took a long while for them to calm down. Joxer poked his head in once after harvesting all the tomatoes and peppers he could find in the garden, but when he saw them in the state they were in, he quietly shut the door, and, taking half the crop, went to market to see if he could sell them.

When their breathing had calmed and the sobbing transformed into an occasional sniffle, Gabrielle picked her head up off Xena's and tried to fix Xena's hair where her tears had pooled and dried and mussed up her wild bistre locks. Xena sat up, wiping her own tears from the mattress, and looked at Gabrielle.

"Oh, gods," Gabrielle said. "You look like hell."

Xena laughed as her friend wiped her tears from her cheeks and sorted out her hair. She returned the grooming favor as she asked, "Are you in any pain?"

"My hands, mostly," she said. "I can't feel my leg."

"I did that," Xena explained. "Your hip was dislocated, and as I put it back in place, I think it broke. It must have been fractured. So I cut off the sensation."

"It was already broken," Gabrielle said. "Thank you." And then she added, "I'm cold."

"Do you think you can sit up?" Xena asked. "Maybe we can get you bandaged and dressed."

Gabrielle nodded and Xena began to help her sit up. With broken ribs and legs and wrists, it was an excruciating struggle, but Gabrielle did her best to keep from passing out and eventually found herself seated on the bed. Xena propped both pillows behind her for support. She left to fetch the box Joxer had given her which contained the dress he'd bought for Gabrielle. They both were surprised as Xena lifted the lid on the box.

The dress was made from the same cotton as Xena's, except it was embroidered with satin and silk. The whole thing was an ivory color, with green pastel vines climbing up the skirt and twisting just slightly as they reached the waist. The collar was in a boxy v, very upper-class-looking, and that same airy green with white Celtic knots stitched across.

"It's too pretty," Gabrielle said, touching it in amazement.

"Hm?"

"It's too pretty for me to put on now when I'm like this, Xena."

"What are you talking about? Joxer got this for you.."

"I know," Gabrielle interrupted. "I don't want to bleed on it. Don't you have any thing else I can wear? What about my old outfit, isn't it in one of the saddlebags?"

"I'll go check." Xena left and returned in record time with a wad of material that shook out into Gabrielle's old brown dress. She shook out as much of the horse hair and dust as she could and gave it a speculating sniff. "It's surprisingly not moldy, just smells like leather."

"That's perfect," Gabrielle said and let Xena cut the rest of her meager rags off of her as it was too painful to maneuver through them with all the cuts and breaks and strains and tears she had all over her body. She blushed, despite herself, as Xena stripped her naked. It wasn't because she was ashamed of herself, they'd seen each other naked hundreds of times and neither ever thought anything about it. It was unavoidable when you lived outside like they did. She felt her cheeks go hot because she could tell that Xena was making note of every contusion and cut and watched her companion's heart break and her anger rise a little as each new injury was exposed. Finally her old brown dress was hanging from her shoulders like a soft hug.

Xena sat beside her on the bed and cut the leftover rags into strips and used them to bandage Gabrielle's wrists. Neither woman had spoken for a long time, but they were comfortable in their silence. Gabrielle watched Xena carefully set, wrap and tie her wrists with an overwhelming sense of divine comfort. A small smile crept into her eyes as the afternoon sun danced in their hair. Xena was safe. It had worked. Xena didn't remember. Everything was going to be alright. Gabrielle had made right by her mistake -- she had saved Xena from a different and more dangerous kind of death. Xena was safe. Everything was going to be alright.

* * *


	9. Holding Back

I'm on a roll, it seems, and I've got something horrific brewing. Sorry this is getting so dark. Hard not to with the subject matter and all. But I promise we'll get some comic relief soon, but first there are unanswered questions and holes in the plot to deal with. This is a two-parter. Question for the masses: Are you seeing Gabrielle with long hair or short? I can't make up my mind which this is.

Love to the 'verse. ... Oops I went a little Firefly there. ...Love to the Known World!

I don't own... I dominate.

* * *

Joxer came running from the stables at the sound. He found Gabrielle had kicked off the blankets and was fighting in her sleep. This wasn't that uncommon. The bard often acted through her scrolls in her sleep, and both Joxer and Xena had been walloped in the middle of the night by a sleeping Gabrielle in fierce combat. The longer he listened, though, the more he realized this was not one of those dreams. This was a nightmare.

"No," she said, thrashing, then screamed it, "No!"

Joxer was at her side in a flash, his horse brush and hoof pick clanged to the ground, sharply forgotten.

"Don't touch her," she whispered. "No, Xena! Xena!!" The last cry sent her sitting straight up in bed. She panted as tears ran down her cheeks, still not coherent enough to notice Joxer kneeling by the bed, completely beside himself for lack of how to help her. Gabrielle crumpled with the memory of the images in her head, turning away from Joxer and falling back to the pillow, she hid her face in her hands and cried.

This was starting to bother Joxer. Every time he saw Gabrielle it seemed she was crying. Neither woman had broken down and told him exactly what they had been through. He was invisible to them as always, but had collected his own information from eavesdropping and making notes of their injuries. This was torturing him, not knowing for certain, and this final incident made him realize it must have been something horrific. Something more than just a bad beating.

He thought she probably would recoil from him like she always did, but he couldn't help the compulsion to comfort her. His hand lightly touched her shoulder and Gabrielle went very still, startled, until he flattened his palm over her arm and rubbed gently with his thumb. She tensed as she identified the touch, then covered his hand with hers as she shook with sobs, needing the release his compassionate gesture allowed her.

After a few minutes, Gabrielle started to calm down. Joxer got up and sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her for a moment before he spoke up. Gently, he whispered, "Gabrielle, what happened to you out there?"

She took a long shaking breath and held out her hand for him to help her sit up, which he did without taking his eyes from her face. Once she was up and sitting beside him, she reached up briefly and touched his face, almost as though she were apologizing for what she was about to tell him. She dropped her hand and took a deep breath.

"Xena and I were captured by a group of men," she began, fiddling with the blanket across her lap.

"Why?" Joxer asked. He was childlike in his inquiry, yet honorable in his drive.

She hadn't expected him to interrupt. "They, um, they thought Xena and I were sick somehow. I don't know, I'm not really sure I understand myself."

Joxer nodded, clearly not understanding, but wanting her to go on.

Gabrielle couldn't look at him. "They drugged us. I'm not really sure about all that happened with Xena, because we were separated. I was kept in darkness, beaten, um..." She stopped and looked up at him. "Joxer are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Why? I mean yes. What happened?" His heart was pounding. He didn't really want to hear this, but he had to know. Involuntarily his hand had found her forearm and was resting lightly there, though he was oblivious to it, too wrapped up in the turmoil behind her once-joyful green eyes.

Again she dropped eye contact and fussed with her blanket. She didn't want him touching her when she told him this, but at the same time it was a welcome comfort. It took her a minute to swallow back tears and regain her calm composure. "I, uh, was raped," she said quietly, a rogue tear falling onto Joxer's hand. "Repeatedly."

He felt the tear hit his hand and took it off of Gabrielle's arm to wipe it off. But she interpreted it as a rejection. She brushed her tears away and cleared her throat. "Where's Xena?" she asked, not looking at him.

Joxer was shocked and confused as her body and voice had turned suddenly cold. He was about to pull her in for an embrace, but let his arms drop beside him at the sudden change in energy. "She went to the baths just after you fell asleep." He told her, "She thought she'd be back before you woke up." He allowed himself to squeeze her shoulder gently as he stood up from the bed and went to the fire. Grabbing a bowl and spoon from the mantle, he fixed her a hearty helping of stew and handed it to her.

"There's one thing I still don't understand," Joxer said as he shamelessly let his hand linger under hers as she took the bowl from him. She flashed a tiny smile of thanks that didn't go to her eyes. "How did you two get out?"

She shook her head at him. "I don't know. I remember falling asleep in the cell one moment and then the next, I was in the forest. "

Gabrielle wasn't telling a total lie -- that is what she remembered, but there was a lot more before that she wasn't telling him. A lot more she knew that she was never going to share with anyone, because in a way, it would be like betraying Xena, and that was simply something she would not abide.


	10. Knowledge

Freaking **EXPLICIT CONTENT**. And not the fun kind. More like the horrifying "oh shit, sick, I didn't want to know that" kind. Look away if you're squeamish. I really don't know why I'm writing this crap. Rrrrrrrrrrrrr. SORRY sorry sorry sorry sorry. Also I'm virginal when it comes to Greek mythology so if anyone wants to correct me on anything goes on here with that lot, please do.

The first part of the italics (before the '--' break) are a Gabby flashback, the rest of the italics is what happened after.

Seriously, I'm sorry for this. I don't want to get into this anymore, so just FYI Gabrielle saw what was done to Xena. You can fill in the rest.

**edit:** I went back with a fresh eye and I think I made it less explicit. maybe. it's not as blunt, anyway. You're all smart, I don't have to get into the details, right?? good.

* * *

_"Ares..." Gabrielle crawled around her pitch-black cell and called out to the war god, her voice exhausted from screaming and then from crying. "Ares..."_

_The God of War appeared in a flash of light that startled Gabrielle. "Ah, Gabrielle, what a strange surprise," he said haughtily, oblivious. "I have to say I knew you'd come around eventually." _

_"No." she whispered._

_"No?" Ares taunted. "Please don't tell me you called me here for a truth or dare. I've got much more interesting things going on and I DON'T like it when people waste my time." _

_"Ares, it's Xena." Gabrielle began._

_"What about her?"_

_"She's dead."_

_He snapped his fingers and the cell lit up so he could see it clearly. He took in Gabrielle's injuries but didn't really care about them. "What?"_

_Gabrielle looked up at him with loathing, but didn't let it show in her face. "She's dead. I need you to get her body out of here. Take her away before they cook her and feed her to the rest of the prisoners."_

_"Who did this?" he asked, a terrifying fire burning behind is dark eyes._

_"It doesn't matter, just please get her out."_

_Ares turned, but Gabrielle called him back just before he disappeared. _

_"Ares wait!"_

_"What??"_

_"Make it so that she doesn't remember what killed her. I want her soul to be at peace. You can do this, can't you? You can take that memory away?"_

_"The Fates can, but only if they give it to someone else."_

_"Have them give it to me." Gabrielle blurted almost before he'd finished his sentence. "She can't know, it would ruin her, even in the afterlife. You know this. You'll see. Ares, you know where her strength comes from. Please. For her sake."_

_He made no indication whether he was going to grant her request or not. He simply flashed out of her cell and left Gabrielle in utter darkness. Gabrielle laid down, crying on the cold stone floor, spoke her goodbyes to her sister and her parents and to Joxer, and tried to die._

_--_

_Ares found Xena and un-strapped her from the torture table. Her limp body fell into his arms heavily and Ares held back his emotions as he transported the two of them outside and back to the camp site._

_Argo started rearing and trying to trample him the minute he appeared at the bones of the campfire and had laid Xena down. He turned to the palomino with a great annoyance, "Would you settle down, you dumb animal? I'm not going to hurt her."_

_He inspected her, letting his hands hover around her body as he took in each injury to find the one that had killed her. She was positively ashen, from forehead to foot, already a ghost in the flesh. He set her broken bones one by one: jaw, arms, ribs, wrists, not wanting to bury her in such a broken state, until he got to her lower abdomen, and pulled his hands away with fury. This was the injury that killed her, and he saw now what Gabrielle was talking about. She'd bled to death from these internal injuries. He saw the cause in his mind's eye, watching in horror as he learned what was taken from her, that she had literally been torn apart by these men. He knew in his heart that Gabrielle was right, it was imperative that Xena not remember this final horror. It truly would ruin her. Ares regained his composure, sucking back tears, and corrected the damage to the now-useless organs there. He quickly fixed her ankles next, then called the Fates._

_"You are to take away Xena's memory of the injury that killed her." He said. _

_"We can't do that." They said. "It's already written, already done."_

_"You'll do it, you old crone. I know you can. You'll give the memory to my custody, I wish to use it on someone else."_

_"We can't do that, Ares, one man's memory is meant for him and only him."_

_Ares let out a feral scream and grabbed the crone by the throat. The other two grabbed at their own throats as if he were choking them, too. "You'll do as I say or I will crush you and the other two one by one."_

_"If you killed us, the world would spin out of control," the young girl said hoarsely._

_"Good!"_

_The Fates relinquished and Ares released them. His eyes flashed in a wild rage as he disappeared from the camp site with a tiny fiber of glowing string in his fist._

_"Let's find out what happens when you piss off the God of War!"_

_Argo whinnied at the flash and trotted over to where Xena was laid out. She lowered her grand head, folded in her powerful legs, and lied down beside her friend, tipping just slightly so that her back was in contact with Xena's body. She blew hot breath into Xena's hair as the warrior princess slowly began to regain her color._

* * *

Gabrielle awoke slowly in the middle of the night to find that again, someone was holding her, and someone else was holding her hand.

Joxer looked at her, red-eyed, from the chair he'd dragged over and rubbed her knuckles in a greeting. He smirked slightly and nodded to the warrior curled up beside Gabrielle. "She had a bad dream," he explained. "And then you did," he continued, a little embarrassed, and let go of her hand. Gabrielle smiled at him, hating that she always made him so nervous.

"Get some rest," she whispered to him.

"I'm not tired." He replied, then yawned like a lion. She quirked an eyebrow at him. "What I mean is, I'm just waking up. You know how you yawn when you're ... ... I'm gonna go get something to eat."

She pretended to sleep, and a moment later, she heard him get into the other bed. He began snoring almost immediately.

* * *


	11. In Your Eyes

No apologies for this one. yay! (I think) Thanks to all my faithful reviewers! You are da bomb. I promise to keep this going strong for you!

I own no characters except the characters I own.

:)

* * *

Xena awoke to find Gabrielle watching her. She grumbled, "I hate when you do that."

Gabrielle just smiled, a million thoughts flying across her eyes. "What were you dreaming about?"

"I don't know, why?"

"You were smiling."

"Hm." Xena grunted, not really interested, and stretched. "You hungry?"

"Not really," she said. "But Xena, when do I get to bathe?" She expected Xena to have some sort of complaint or quip or something, but the warrior surprised her by getting out of bed, coming around to the other side, and holding out her arm.

"Today," she said. "After lunch."

"Really?" Gabrielle was surprised. "How will we get there -- I mean, I don't think I can walk at all."

"I had a feeling you'd want one as bad as I did once you were awake long enough, so I did some trading in town last night and I got us a cart we can put you on until you're strong enough to walk. It should be delivered this afternoon." She braced Gabrielle with her outstretched arm and helped her sit up, then abandoned her. "I'm gonna find us something to eat."

"Xena, I'm not hungry." Gabrielle called out. In truth she was starving, but last night's stew was threatening to kick into reverse.

"I know," Xena said, returning with a couple of pieces of fruit and some bread. She stuck a hunk of bread in Gabrielle's hand. "Just have that, it won't hurt you."

Gabrielle pretended to scowl at Xena as Xena sat down on the bed beside her. "You are so stubborn sometimes."

"Likewise," Xena returned, talking around the hunk of pear in her mouth. "Where's Joxer?"

"I think he went out back to do something in the garden."

They were sitting there, delighted in each other's company and wrapped up in the normalcy of chatting over breakfast, when the door suddenly swung open and a whole new world came bursting through.

Two children -- a towheaded boy of about nine and a brown-haired girl of about six darted into the cottage, squealing, from under the arm of a curly-haired woman with an infant in a sling at her hip.

"Maxius, stop chasing your sister. I won't ask you again." She said, then looked up at the startled women in the cottage and blushed wildly. "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to just barge in..."

Xena spoke up. "It's fine," she said, standing to welcome her. Gabrielle looked over at Xena, not knowing what was going on. "We were just having breakfast. You must be Joxer's sister."

"That's right, I'm Mira, pleased to meet you." She shook Xena's hand hard enough to make the warrior wince. "You must be Xena," she said, then offered her hand to Gabrielle, "and Gabrielle." Seeing the bandages on the bard's wrists she merely took her hand and gently patted it.

Gabrielle decided she liked Mira almost immediately for her warm voice and bright smile. Xena took in that her children had stopped squealing the moment she'd raised her voice and were standing aside very politely waiting to be introduced. She was impressed. She and Gabrielle both acknowledged them with a smile.

"Oh, yes," Mira said, holding up her arm for her kids to gather in front. "This is my oldest, Maxius, he's nine and thinks he's old enough for the army."

Maxius tipped his head back to look at his mother. "I am, Mother, Uncle Jett said so."

"Your uncle Jett is a fool." She said as kindly as she could, squeezing the back of his neck playfully. "You are going to school before you do anything else."

Xena saw the boy scowling and spoke up. "You know your mom's right. Armies don't hire people any more who haven't been to school."

"That's right," Mira said, "And Xena would know better, she used to _have_ an army. Your uncle only served in one."

He turned, wide-eyed to Xena, missing the point. "You used to have an army??"

"Alright," Mira said. "Go find your uncle Joxer and tell him we're here."

The boy scampered off and Mira took a deep breath and moved on to the next child. "This is my little Gwynnie." She said, putting her hand on her daughter's head. "She's six; my little songbird."

Gabrielle smiled at her. "Do you sing?" She asked.

The girl stared at her stubbornly and didn't answer.

Mira spoke up, smirking. "She sings. Don't you, Gwyn?"

"Yes Mommy."

"She just doesn't speak to strangers." She said, smiling apologetically at the women. "Gwynnie, these are your uncle Joxer's closest friends. This is Gabrielle, and Xena. Remember? From the stories?"

The little girl smiled sheepishly, curtsied, and then ran away.

"Give her 'til dinner and she'll be crawling in your lap." Mira said, sparkling with humor and love. "And the creature at my hip is the newest, and the most popular at the moment with all the screaming she does."

For some reason Gabrielle was enthralled with the child, and hid it poorly. She wanted to hold that baby, but she didn't dare ask. Xena simply flashed the baby-smile down at her and put a steadying hand on Gabrielle's shoulder. "What do you call her?" Xena asked.

"Creature." Mira said. "No, only joking. She's called Chloe."

"She's beautiful," Gabrielle spoke up, then suddenly turned into her mother. "I'm so sorry about the mess," she started, but Mira cut her off.

"Oh no," she said. "Trust me. For Joxer, this is very clean. Speaking of the youngest brother, is he around somewhere?"

"He's out back." Xena said, and started to escort her.

"Oh, don't worry, I know my way around." Mira told her, shooing her. "Please, finish your breakfast." She turned and left, giving no chance for either of the two women to argue with her even if they had wanted to.

--

Outside, Joxer had been ambushed by his niece and nephew and was "trying very hard" to escape from their restraint. He was a sight - hair completely disheveled, tunic turned sideways, and a couple of stray bundles of weeds were sticking out of his armpit on one side. Mira felt her heart go warm at the sight of him. The children spent a lot of time with their uncle Jett, much to Mira's dismay, and would never get this kind of warmth and affection from him. And it had been so long since she last saw her favorite brother.

Joxer peered between the two children and saw his sister walking up. His face changed for an instant when he first saw her, and then went back to glowing at her children. In that split second, though, Mira had picked up all she needed to know. She laughed quietly and said, "Alright, children, stop beating up your uncle. Maxius, why don't you go to the stables and finish teaching your sister about horses?"

Gwyn squealed in delight and Maxius let out a long sigh. "Oh, alright," he said begrudgingly, and taking his sister's hand, sauntered across the alley and into the stables.

Mira turned to Joxer and hugged him with her baby-free arm, and then cut to the chase. "What's the matter?"

Joxer took a deep breath, trying to fix his hair. "Did you get my message?"

"I did. Joxer, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel about her."

He hated that she was offering him condolences when she was the one who just lost a child. But his mouth ran ahead before his mind had figured out how to express this. "It's worse than I thought."

"I know," Mira crooned, picking the weeds out of his shirt. "She was raped."

"How did you know?"

"I met her inside. She had that hollow look in her eye I saw all the time in the hospital while the village was occupied. You know how I am ... she just had that look." She helped him brush the final crumbs of soil from his shirt and said very carefully, "You've got a look right now too, one I never thought I'd see on you."

"What's that?"

His sister waited a beat and looked him in the eye, almost as though insisting he keep in mind who she was before she answered. "You've got murder in your eye."

* * *


	12. Family

Here's a short little chapter for you. Joxer needed some attention and I wanted to give Xena some screen time too, even though she'll have more next chapter.

I just realized I used the name Mira for my OC in my Alias fic. Even though this one is supposed to be more like an ancient form of Mary and that one was short for the portuguese name Mirari, it's kinda strange that I picked it twice and didn't even realize it. I guess I like the name!

Also I realized I was writing the kids a little younger than I said they were, so let's make little Gwyn barely 5 and Maxius can be 8? Sound good? Good.

* * *

"Mira," Joxer started, meeting her gaze with an equally pointed one of his own. "I have to do something."

"What are you going to do?"

"Don't start, not you. Mira, you were the only one who never put me down."

"Joxer, I'm not talking about your abilities as a warrior. You can fight as well as I can." And that was a compliment, as she was a better fighter even than their father. She'd had to be to keep her three brothers from picking on her. "Do you even know who did this?"

"No, I don't , but I can -- Wait. Did you just say I could fight as good as you?"

"Yes." She smiled, "you _can_. I've seen it. But Joxer, you _don't._" He started to take offense to this but she cut him off. "What makes you different from Jett and Father and more like me and Jace is that you care about people. In real combat, your execution is tainted because you don't really want to hurt anyone. No matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise." Joxer took a breath to argue and she cut him off again. "That's also what makes you my favorite brother."

Chloe started screaming, interrupting them. Mira let out a slightly exasperated huff and jiggled the baby. "She's hungry. We'll finish this conversation later, ok?"

Joxer just nodded and walked off. He couldn't decide if he was frustrated with his sister or just with himself or with the whole situation. It wasn't like him to brood. Jett did enough of that for the three of them, and Joxer didn't necessarily like the feeling, but couldn't escape it. He decided to take a little walk around the house to cool off before he went back inside with everyone, and was just out of the garden when the smell hit him.

At first he couldn't quite place what it was. It was familiar, but distantly, and when it finally hit him, it hit him hard. It was spices. Funeral spices. He took a few more steps and was met with the source. In the distance behind him he could hear Maxius and Gwyn playing, Mira singing to Chloe as she nursed her by the window overlooking the garden, and directly in front of him was the deafening silence of a small coffin. The pit of his stomach became hard as a rock and dropped to his feet, and his heart sought to follow. He felt his knees give way as though trying to catch the falling organs and he found himself on the ground before the coffin, sobbing.

--

Xena had brought in their luggage for them and appraised Gabrielle of the situation while Mira and the kids were outside. Gabrielle had wanted to cry, but pulled herself together as Mira came in with Chloe.

"You girls don't mind if I nurse her in here, do you?"

"No, of course not." Xena said. She smiled at Gabrielle, trying to encourage her, while they listened to Mira humming behind them.

Mira suddenly stopped humming. "Oh dear," she said, and scurried outside. She returned moments later with her children.

"You should go talk to him." Maxius was whispering as they came in.

"No, dear. Not just yet." His mother said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "I think he needs time alone for a moment. Like you did, remember?"

Maxius nodded solemnly and Gwyn came over to Gabrielle and Xena and climbed onto the bed with them.

"Uncle Joxer is sad." she said, sighing. Gabrielle rubbed her back, not knowing what to say. After a moment, Gwyn turned to them and stated, "Lucius died."

"I know," Gabrielle said quietly. "We're very sorry."

The little girl nodded. "Me too."

Xena got up and went over to Mira. "I'll go talk to him." She said, and Mira thanked her.

--

Xena swept up beside Joxer as quietly as she could, but her too-long dress dragged in the grass and he heard her. He began to wipe his face and attempted to suck down his tears. He cleared his throat.

"Xena," he said, straightening his spine, "what are you doing out here?"

"I came to find you." She sat down beside him.

"Why?"

"Mira and the kids came inside and you didn't. I was worried about you."

He nodded slowly but he didn't believe her. She looked at him for a moment and then at the tiny coffin before them.

With tears in her eyes she said, "Joxer, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through."

He subconsciously tensed as he waited for her to drive home some sort of point about taking responsibility or remaining strong in the face of the enemy.

"I just hope you know that Gabrielle and I care about you very much." She said, dodging his astonished gaze, "You're part of our little family. If you ever need anything from me -- from us, well..."

He smiled a little at her. "I know," he said quietly. "Thank you, Xena."

"Don't thank me, Joxer." She said. Xena wanted to say more, but couldn't figure out how. So she put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed heartily.

* * *


	13. An Odd Number

Sorry for the long delay, there's been a famine in my brain.

I own nothing. Except that. That's mine.

* * *

Getting Gabrielle to the baths was not an easy task. It wasn't just because she couldn't walk, it was also because young Gwyn had made fast friends with the bard and her story-telling and was convinced she should go along. It took quite the team effort to get her to let Gabrielle and Xena go alone, but finally Joxer was able to bribe her with a trip to market with him, and leaving the sniveling child behind, Xena wheeled Gabrielle out of the cottage and down to the town square where the baths were located.

Mira came along just to help Xena transfer Gabrielle from the cart into the bath. She handed Xena a pouch of herbs to put in the bath water and a salve to help with pain and went back to the cottage.

The place was mostly deserted, dark and hot from steam. It was obvious to Xena that Gabrielle was in a lot of pain, but she wouldn't admit it. She kept her eyes closed and waited until her body got used to the hot water before she looked at Xena.

Xena was ready with the salve. "Where does it hurt?"

"I'm fine, Xena."

"Gabrielle, stop being so stubborn. I can tell you're in pain."

Gabrielle swallowed and tried not to flinch as she shifted her weight to get more comfortable. Xena reached in and took one of her hands and started rubbing in a little bit of the salve. Gabrielle tried to pull her hand away but Xena wouldn't let her. She didn't feel like arguing at the moment so she just let her have it. It hurt a lot worse than before by the time Xena was done with it, but when it hit the water again it went pleasantly numb. As Xena worked on her other hand, Gabrielle finally broke the silence.

"Is the funeral tonight?"

"I assume so, yes."

She nodded. "Xena, do we have any money?"

"Money? a little. Why?"

"I was just thinking, with everything Joxer's going through with his family, maybe we should get a room at the inn."

Xena was quiet for a moment. "Alright."

"I just don't want to be a burden to him."

Xena nodded. "Want me to go ask the innkeeper now?"

"No," Gabrielle said quietly. "Just stay with me a while." She didn't know why, but she couldn't bear the thought of being left alone. She'd felt incredibly self-conscious as Mira had helped get her into the tub, and thought it was just because she didn't know Joxer's sister that well, but the uneasy feeling had lingered even after Mira left the bath house. Still, the thought of being alone struck a much higher note of panic within her.

Xena was busy working the salve into any of the bruises and cuts she could find. Gabrielle hadn't said anything about it, but Xena could tell it was helping. She didn't make it known, but she was glad Gabrielle had asked her to stay. The older sister or mother bear nerve was still pulsating wildly within her and to say she was uncomfortable leaving Gabrielle alone would be a huge understatement.

Gabrielle caught a glimpse of her friend's face as Xena moved to the other side of the tub to get at her other shoulder with the herbs, and seeing the warrior's brow was furrowed slightly, she decided she should say something. "You're lucky you don't have a fever." Not exactly what she'd meant to say, but it was something.

"So are you." Was the reply, then came a quiet flash of a smirk. "Joxer's been taking very good care of us."

"I'm surprised the stew hasn't talked back to you yet."

Xena looked up and frowned. "Why, has it bothered you?"

"I lost all three bowls just before you got back with the cart." Her eyes sparkled playfully. "That's the last time I trust Joxer's cooking."

Xena managed an amused snort that fooled the bard enough to let her close her green eyes and relax into the water. As soon as Gabrielle's eyes were closed, Xena let her face fall to match the picture in her heart. A stomach virus was the last thing Gabrielle needed. In such a weakened state, a sickness like that could kill her. Xena told herself Gabrielle was probably still coming out of shock, and nothing more, but she couldn't make herself believe it.

* * *

The innkeeper was a wretched-looking skinny man with a very unpleasant odor about him. His disposition was worse than his appearance. First he had to be woken from a drunken slumber, then he claimed he had no rooms available, wanted double the normal rate, and finally took to asking Xena why she didn't have a husband to live with. Xena was not in a state of mind to be patient and was struggling with her temper when the stabler came in for a pint.

He was a large man - a barrel with arms and legs - with sparkling dark eyes and a quick, flashing smile.

"Otto," he bellowed. His voice was deep and booming, like it echoed around in his chest before it reached his mouth. "Are you giving this nice woman a hard time?"

The innkeeper wrinkled his nose and suddenly looked a lot like a disgruntled weasel. "I should throw you out of my establishment, you overgrown fish-pot."

"Why don't you make yourself useful and go take a bath."

The stabler ignored his slurred come-back and turned to Xena. "I'm Milo." She shook his hand. "Hell of a handshake you got there. Did I hear you say you were staying with Joxer?"

"That's right."

"Poor man. That's my cottage he's renting. I knew about the two women he was helping, but he didn't tell me about his sister's child until this morning. That's a busy house, a lot for one man to deal with."

"That's why my friend and I are trying to get our own room, so he and his family can have space and time to heal."

"Well you won't get anywhere in this joint. This old waste of space won't do you any service unless you're looking for a drink."

The innkeeper squawked from the kitchen. "Or a roll in the hay!"

Milo apologized to Xena under his breath for the innkeeper's bad manners, then boomed to the kitchen. "That's highly distasteful, Otto. Have some respect."

"I'll show you respect!"

"Shut up and bring me a pint of ale."

To Xena's surprise, Otto the innkeeper emerged from the dark kitchen with a tankard of frothy ale and set it down in front of the stabler without a word, and, whistling, returned to the kitchen.

"Anyway, I think I can help you." Milo began, taking a sip of his drink. "My wife and I are converting the old tack shop into a little inn. It's not completed yet, but we do have two rooms upstairs that are furnished which you and your friend are welcome to. Or if you prefer, I can berate the old man into letting you have a room, but I should warn you ... the doors around here don't lock."

Xena smiled. "A room at the tack shop would be very nice."

"Great."

* * *

"I'm so sorry," Mira was saying as Xena started packing up her armor. "I didn't mean to make you feel like you couldn't stay."

"You didn't." Gabrielle spoke up, "Xena and I just don't want to be a burden to you."

"It wasn't anything I said, or the children, was it?"

Xena noticed she hadn't asked them to stay. "No, Mira. You've been wonderful. Gabrielle and I just need some space to figure out what happened."

"Well, would you mind having visitors? I know the children will be asking to finish the story you started, Gabrielle, and I'm not good at that kind of thing."

"You're welcome any time."

"At least let me help you get settled in." Mira insisted, and began helping Xena pack.

"That would be a great help." Xena said.

Once they were packed and ready, Xena and Mira got Gabrielle back onto her cart and they pulled her down the street to the tack shop. Milo met them at the door, and he went straight to work picking up Gabrielle and carrying her up the stairs. Mira followed directly behind, shouting orders. Don't twist her back. Keep her legs parallel. Don't squeeze her ribs. Milo looked down at Gabrielle and smiled, amused. Once the bard was situated in bed, Milo took his leave while Xena unpacked and Mira fussed over Gabrielle's pillows. Finally, she decided Gabrielle was secure and properly supported, and stood up to leave. Gabrielle was dosing off, so Xena went to the door with Mira to say goodbye.

"Thank you for all your help, Mira."

"It's my pleasure. I haven't worked in a hospital since I was a young woman of sixteen. It's nice to know I haven't lost my touch."

"No, you definitely haven't."

Mira leaned in and kissed Xena's cheek, turning to leave. She stopped almost immediately and turned back. "Make sure you watch what she eats. No fried foods, lots of vegetables and meat. She'll need as much strength as possible, now that's she's expecting a child."

* * *


	14. Unsaid

Okay, Okay, I know. The wait was way too long for this little chapter. So sorry. I had trouble nutting out just how our heroine was going to react to last chapter's big reveal. It was either going to be funny or really heartbreaking, and given how the story has been going so far... I just decided to skip it. So yeah. Apologies abound. I'm going to try my very best not to take months before the next chapter.

Love to the lovers.

* * *

"Xena where have you been?" Gabrielle asked from the bed. Her eyes were closed and Xena had assumed she was asleep as the warrior stumbled into the room and fell onto the free bed.

"I went out." She slurred.

"You've been drinking, haven't you?" Gabrielle turned so that she could see Xena more clearly.

Xena sighed. "Yes. I've been drinking." She brought a palm to her forehead in an attempt to stop the spinning. The moment she did this, she regretted it.

"Xena, did you get in a fight?"

"Yes."

"Who? What happened? Are we going to --"

"No, we're fine, Gabrielle. It was just a bar fight." She took a breath and then looked at her bloody knuckles. "I started it."

Gabrielle wasn't sure how to respond to that. Xena regretted she'd told her. Gabrielle had been worried about Xena, she had been so overly caring towards Gabrielle. She was touching her more, watching her more, as if she was so afraid that she was going to break. Finally, Gabrielle said, "Xena, you can talk to me."

Xena had wanted her to be angry, she could have dealt with that. She had hoped for some biting insult, or an I'm-so-disappointed remark. It was much easier to be on the nurturing end, than to see her injured and tormented friend nurturing her. It reminded her of the time Gabrielle had taken a poison arrow and almost died. One of too many incidents where Xena's world had nearly come to pieces. She flicked a sneaky tear off her eyelashes and said. "I know." But she wouldn't say any more.

Gabrielle stopped studying Xena when her stomach suddenly lurched. She grabbed the chamber pot from the floor and vomited into it. Xena shot up and started at Gabrielle, losing her balance and nearly falling into the bed with her. She managed somehow to end up perched beside her friend holding her hair with one hand and rubbing her arm with the other in a very maternal gesture. "I'm alright," Gabrielle said. "I'm Okay. I'm telling you that is the last time I eat anything Joxer has even breathed on. The man is trying to poison me."

She was joking, but Xena couldn't bring herself to smile. She foolishly dodged Gabrielle's gaze when she looked over, and took the chamber pot and put it back on the floor. Gabrielle was trying to read her, trying to understand her new strange behavior, and finally gave up.

"Xena I wish you'd tell me what was bothering you." She was still trying very hard to get the warrior's eye contact.

"I don't know if I want to." Xena said. She was speaking more freely than she would otherwise like, and thought to herself that she should have slept it off somewhere before coming back to the room.

Again there was a pause as Gabrielle tried to figure out how to respond to that. "Xena, I realize you're hurting, and that's okay, I understand. But you're really starting to frighten me."

"Frighten you?" Xena said, surprised. She finally looked the bard in the eye, but only until the bard replied.

"Yes. You haven't been this cryptic with me in years. Xena, what is going on?"

Xena came out of her darkness for a moment and smiled a sad, sweet smile to the woman beside her. "I'll tell you," she said, kissing her on the side of the head. "I promise. I just don't want to have this conversation when I'm drunk."

Gabrielle frowned again but put her hand over Xena's and assured her. "Okay."

"Okay." Xena got up carefully and grabbed the chamber pot. "I'm going to go empty this." Gabrielle nodded and Xena shuffled out, slightly teetering. She paused at the door, "Can I get you anything?"

"No," she said quietly. "Just hurry back."

"Promise."

When she returned, Gabrielle was asleep again. She silently put the chamber pot back on the floor, slipped out of her boots and then climbed into bed with Gabrielle. The disturbance in the mattress woke the bard, and she looked over at Xena for a moment in question. But Xena didn't explain as she settled in beside her and closed her eyes, and Gabrielle didn't ask.

* * *


	15. Whispers pt1

Okay, I have not forgotten you!! This story got a little hard to do and my obsession with all things Xena waned in favor of a new SVU addiction. I have returned to my roots, however. Hooray! I know this chapter is short, but there will be more posted tonight, and it will be much less depressing. So check back. Also, quick note to the very talented Xedra: when are you gonna upload more vids?? My cousin and I have a song in mind for a X/G vid if you are taking suggestions...

Love to the lovers

* * *

Xena appeared at Gabrielle's bedside some time late the next morning. Drowsy, her clear blue eyes came into slow focus, followed by the softness of her fingertips on Gabrielle's cheek.

"Wake up," she was saying. Gabrielle frowned while her brain translated the noises.

"What's going on?"

"Come on, grab on to me. I'm taking you to the doctor."

"Doctor? Xena, you and Mira are taking care of me just fine, I don't need a doctor. I'm not in much pain anymore."

"I know, I just need to be sure. Come on." She slid an arm under Gabrielle's knees. "Come on, grab on to my neck."

Gabrielle reluctantly obeyed. "Are you sure you can..."

But Xena lifted her out of the bed with ease. "Of course I can." She smiled lightly.

The short walk to the village doctor was long enough for Gabrielle to watch the worry from the night before creep back into Xena's face. "What do you need to be sure of, Xena?" She asked softly. Xena pretended not to hear her.

The doctor met them at the door. He was a well-muscled man for his age. His young-looking chest and shoulders contradicted starkly with his white hair and deeply lined face. Xena and he exchanged a wordless greeting and he gestured further into the hut. Gabrielle was carried through a curtain into a sun-streaked room and laid on a table. A woman met them there, wearing the same apron and cap as the old man at the door.

"Hello." She said. "On the table, here."

Gabrielle tried again as she was laid on the table, looking at Xena in question. Xena dodged her gaze and said to the woman, "I thought the owner was going to do it."

"I am the owner." She said coolly while she inspected Gabrielle's wounds and looked for signs of fever. She asked Gabrielle a few basic questions -- how she was feeling, any change in appetite, nausea, fatigue. Gabrielle answered and relaxed slowly -- the doctor had a very reassuring manner about her -- but every chance she got, Gabrielle was watching Xena.

"Well, she doesn't appear to have any sickness or fever. These wounds are healing nicely." She felt Gabrielle's legs and hips. "Her hip isn't broken, just badly out of alignment. This leg is in really bad shape, though. I'll put a good splint on it, it should heal faster if it's immobilized." Xena nodded and paled a little as the doctor came to the end of the table by Gabrielle's feet. "Knees -- well, knee up, please." She went to get a block to prop up Gabrielle's bad leg.

"Wait. Woah. Xena, what the hell is going on? Why do I need an internal exam?"

The doctor looked at Xena. "She doesn't know?"

"You let me worry about her. Just do your job." Xena turned back to Gabrielle and took her hand. "Don't worry, Gabrielle. Everything's fine, just relax." The exam was quick but excruciating, mainly because of the waives of panic she and Xena had to battle. When it was over, the doctor put Gabrielle's leg down and turned to Xena and said,

"She is."

"Is what?" Gabrielle was panicking again. When Xena didn't answer right away, she became vehement and terrified. "I am what, Xena? Tell me!"

Xena took a breath and looked at her partner resignedly straight in the eye. Her response was a whisper. "You're pregnant."

There was one excruciating moment of silence, and then it began. "No." Gabrielle managed. Her breathing sped up dangerously. "No." The tears began to gather in her eyes. "There must be some mistake. I can't be. Tell me it's not true." She turned her face up and let her green eyes bore into Xena's. "Xena, tell me it's not true."

"I wish I could," Xena answered after a pause.

"Oh, gods, not again. This can't be happening to me again!" She didn't notice the doctor setting her leg and strapping on the splint. Instead she pulled and clawed at Xena, as if trying to keep from drowning. "I can't do this." She told her. "I can't. I can't go through this again. I can't do this."

Xena leaned down and kissed Gabrielle at the hairline, unsure of just who she was trying to comfort. She didn't know what to say to her. "I know," was the only thing that came to mind. She and the doctor exchanged a quick glance and Xena knelt down to Gabrielle's level. She began tentatively. "Gabrielle. There's a procedure we could do. It -- well it would end the pregnancy. But the risks are very, very high..."

"End the pregnancy?" Gabrielle asked, her voice quieter now. "You mean kill the baby."

Xena's eyes were unwavering. "Yes."

Gabrielle nodded slowly in understanding. "I don't know...I don't know if I could..."

"It's okay," Xena reassured her. "You have time to think about it."

"Actually," the doctor butted in, "you don't. You're too far along now for it to be safe. I'm sorry."

Xena and Gabrielle stared off at the doctor for a long moment, neither able to speak, nor sure of what was to come. Finally, the doctor spoke up again quietly.

"If there's anything I can do..."

That snapped Gabrielle out of it. "Uh," she swallowed. "Thank you. Xena, take me home."


	16. Grief

I own no characters but the characters I own. Sorry this took so long, but I'll make it up to you by making this a two chapter installment. I must note that Xena comes off as a little clueless in this, which is not very canon of me, but it works for the story right here. Please review, my dear readers. I'm debating whether this and the next chapter will be the end of this story, so please tell me what you think.

Huggles for muggles!

* * *

Xena carried a softly crying Gabrielle up to their room and put her gently down on the bed. Sweetly covering her with a light blanket, her hand trailed up and down her friend's arm as she tried to calm her. "Listen," she said quietly, her voice milky and soothing. "You don't have to decide anything right now, but you could give the baby up for adoption. I can find a very good family for it when the time comes, you just have to tell me that's what you want to do."

Gabrielle nodded in understanding, then something dawned on her. "Xena, don't tell Mira I'm pregnant. With Lucius just passing, it may hurt her."

Xena hesitated a moment before she answered, "Mira already knows. She figured it out before I did."

Gabrielle was quiet a long moment. "Are you going over there?"

"Not anymore, I'm staying with you."

"No, you have to go. We missed the funeral as it is, you need to bring them something and go help Mira with the kids."

"Gabrielle, I'm not leaving you by yourself."

"Milo is around, and his wife. They'll keep an eye on me. Please, go. For Joxer. He's done so much for us..."

"Alright. I'll go. Why don't I get the cart and you can come, too?"

The bard shook her head. "I can't be around Chloe yet. Not until I decide what I'm doing with my baby."

Xena nodded. "Do you need anything while I'm out?"

"No, just send Joxer my love."

----------------------------------------------

Maxius answered the door, somber, but his eyes lit up a little when he saw who it was. "Xena," he said, and opened the door wide for her to come in. She was barely over the threshold before a bleary-eyed Gwyn scampered to her and wrapped her arms around her leg tightly. Xena put a hand on the child's head and looked across the room to Mira. The two women shared a smile before Xena handed Maxius the two bundles she brought.

"One of those is for your mom and uncle Joxer, the other is for you and Gwyn."

Maxius thanked her and delivered one to his mom before he and Gwyn went to a corner to open theirs. Xena made her way to the back of the cottage to her two friends. "How are you?"

Mira shrugged sadly, "I'm still breathing," she said. "That's something."

Joxer pulled his sister's shoulders in to a sideways embrace. "Thank you for coming," he said to Xena.

Xena nodded and gripped his upper arm briefly. "How are the kids?" She asked.

Mira nodded in their direction. Xena looked and saw them eating their sweets and staring off into space, their heads tilted together much like Joxer's and Mira's were. "Unfortunately," she said, "they're old enough to understand what's going on. I think Gwyn still thought he might wake up until we lit the fire."

"Last night, at the pyre, she turned to Maxius and made him swear he would never touch a sword and be a bad man." Joxer chuckled softly. "I don't think he'll forget his promise."

Xena looked at the two of them, Chloe sleeping heavily in Mira's arms. "What do you need me to do?" She asked.

Mira shook her head. "Nothing. Just being here is helping. The kids were wondering about you and Gabrielle." Chloe woke up and started squirming and fussing and Mira shifted uncomfortably with her in her arms.

"Let me take her," Joxer said, and Mira let him.

She turned to Xena, leaning against the table, as Joxer walked to the garden with Chloe. "It's just so final, now." She said, quiet enough that the kids wouldn't hear. "You know? I mean, he's been gone for a few weeks but ..." Her brown eyes skittered to Xena's and back to the floor. "I'm sorry, I'm not making sense."

Xena found a place beside her to lean and looked off into the cottage and said, "Trying to make sense of this will only torture you. You can't go around asking why. ... There is no answer."

Mira watched her profile for a moment before she asked, "Does it ever stop hurting?"

Xena looked at Mira, a little surprised she knew about Solan. "No," she admitted. "Not even a little. But, eventually you learn to live with it. It does get easier."

Mira nodded. "Thank you." She said.

"For what?"

"For being honest." Xena put an arm around her and she leaned her head on the warrior's shoulder.

Xena did her best to support the family, cleaning up, helping with dinner, talking with Mira and Joxer and reading to the kids. She bounced Chloe for a while, and talked to her quietly in between feedings. When it came time for her to go, both older children hugged her tightly and then crawled into a bed near the fire. Joxer shook her hand, but Xena pulled him in for a hug. Mira walked her out, thanking her.

"You didn't have to do this," she said, gesturing around to the spotless cottage.

Xena smiled, "I wanted to. I'll see you later." She kissed her cheek, smiling warmly, and turned to go.

"Xena, wait." Mira said, grabbing her wrist briefly. "How is Gabrielle?"

"The doctor said her wounds are healing well."

That wasn't really an answer, Mira noted. She let the warrior have her privacy and moved on to the next thing on her mind. "Listen, I'm sorry I told you like I did. I thought you already knew. I wouldn't have just blurted it out if --"

"No, no." Xena said. "It's fine. I should have known."

"What are you going to do? Have you decided to keep it?"

"That's Gabrielle's decision."

Mira frowned a little. "Don't you have any say in it? You would be raising the child together, wouldn't you?"

"I would gladly be an aunt to the child if Gabrielle decides to keep it. If not, I've offered to find a good family for it. I'll stand by her whatever she decides, but no, I don't have a say in what she does with her child."

Mira shook her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to press you. Thank you again for coming over. And for the sweets. Send Gabrielle our love."

Xena nodded her goodbye and started down the dark street. Once she was back in the house, Mira shut the door behind her and asked the floor. "Aunt??" Then shook her head quietly and went to tuck her children in.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Xena started home in the dark, angry at what Mira's words had brought up in her. She had not wanted to think about it, but now it was very clear and very insistent in her mind. She was in danger of losing Gabrielle. If not through the grief of giving up her child, then she ran the risk of Gabrielle wanting to settle down with it in a village somewhere. The likelihood was very high that Gabrielle would not be able to stay with Xena, and the worst part was that Xena had no right to ask her to. It was Gabrielle's wedding night all over again. The warrior eyed the sign at the tavern as she passed, and debated going in before she went home. She made herself walk past, however, in favor of being near her dear friend.

Gabrielle watched the fire Milo had built for her as the sun began to set. He and his dear wife had been very supportive all day, cheering her up with their banter, offering advice when asked. It remained Gabrielle's decision, but as she watched the logs tip and pop as they burned, she knew. There was no way she could bring this child to term, hold it in her arms, and then let it go. She had already lost one child that way, she could not stand to abandon another. Regardless of how they were conceived, they were her children, and she had a responsibility to protect them. Knowing Xena would not push her or try to kill the child this time was a huge help. But there was still one thing she needed before she could really go forward. Her eyes slipped closed as the sky grew dark and she allowed sleep to overcome her troubled mind. Xena would be back soon.


	17. Whispers pt2

This chapter is NOT for babies. Go play with your tonka trucks and barbies.

Wow, sometimes I actually keep my promises! I am just about ready to be done torturing these two characters, and in the spirit of not making you want to cry this chapter, I have resulted to porn. Yay! I wasn't going to go there in this story; was not going to make any sort of romance go beyond what was showed us in the tv show. I wasn't even planning on officially differentiating between whether this was a X/G or a J/G fic. But, what the hell is the fun in that? I have no idea if this is any good, and I must apologize to those of you who still thought this was going to be a Joxer/Gab fic, because I'm about to squash that shit.

In case you're impatient and skipped that paragraph, this chapter has **explicit femmeslash content.** If that's something you find offensive or makes you uncomfortable, then don't read this, because I don't want to hear about it.

Ready... Go!

* * *

When she woke again, it was pitch black but for a deep red glow coming from the embers of the fire. Xena was in bed beside her, sound asleep. The other bed in the room had become a catch-all for their belongings, as the women were too used to sleeping next to one another at night to be comfortable alone. Plus, Gabrielle thought, Xena was still feeling overly protective of her and maybe even guilty about what had happened. She kept Gabrielle close so she could watch her. Gabrielle steeled herself for what she was about to do. It was now or never.

"Xena," Gabrielle's voice was small and hushed. When the warrior didn't answer, she turned slightly and watched her sleep for a moment. Her courage waxed and waned with each breath. Finally she touched her, pulling a piece of her raven hair out of her face and trailing her fingertips down her shoulder, arm, side and hips. She could remember well the last time she'd done this. It had taken all her courage, and weeks of preparation, but she had finally managed to kiss the warrior lightly while she slept. Xena had woken up and been so scared, she practically shoved Gabrielle out of the bedroll, saying the bard was too young and something about not wanting to hurt her. And then the warrior armored up and disappeared into the woods claiming she was getting breakfast. It had been years, now, since that night, and Gabrielle had not asked again. She knew it was a risk, that Xena might push her out of bed and leave again, but she had to take the chance. She needed this. Before it had been for a thrill. Now, well, this was completely different.

When the warrior didn't wake up, Gabrielle repeated her motion, tracing the edge of the warrior's silhouette in the dark. She leaned in and whispered again, "Xena," her voice sounded stronger this time.

The warrior's eyes opened slightly, illuminating in the moonlight against the shadow over her face. She was very still for a moment as Gabrielle's fingers made their slow, light journey over the dip of her waist, and then her eyes met the bard's, with concern spread across them. "What's wrong?" She asked.

Now, faced with the cobalt of Xena's eyes in the dark, Gabrielle's courage left her completely. How do you ask this question? What was she supposed to say? She didn't realize her hand had stopped, nor that it had begun to tremble; she searched and searched for words, for breath, for something, but it had all gone.

Xena's head came up off the pillow, her concern deepening. "Gabrielle?" She let the bard's hand rest where it was, trembling on her hip, as she reached up and pushed Gabrielle's hair back off her forehead, trying to get her eyes to focus again. "Gabrielle, are you alright?"

How could she answer that? She had no idea if she was alright. But Xena's hand on her face had reminded her to breathe, and that was helping. The bard looked into Xena's eyes and realized she could not wait any longer for her courage to return. She leaned forward carefully, tentatively, and pressed her lips to Xena's. Knowing it was all too likely that she would pull away and leave, Gabrielle held her ground as long as she could.

The moment the bard had begun to close the distance between them, Xena had sucked in her breath. The warm, light touch of her friend's lips on hers sent hot electric fire through her veins. Her skin came alive and her palms ached just a little. Her heart was thundering in her chest. Afraid to move and break this fragile moment, she closed her eyes and wouldn't breathe.

When Gabrielle realized Xena wasn't pulling away, but that her hand had gone from her forehead to tangle in her hair, she kissed her harder and brought her reanimated hand up to her shoulder, letting her palm travel down her arm, down her side, to her hip, where she squeezed lightly. Xena finally pulled away, out of need for air, and exhaled a question. "What's happening?"

Gabrielle looked far into the warrior's eyes, her emerald orbs cutting dark and gentle into the warrior's jumpy blues. "I need you," she answered.

The warrior's breathing had begun to deepen, and a slight flush crept over her cheeks, but she began to shake her head, her eyes growing more and more fearful. Gabrielle pulled the hand down that had lingered in her hair, insisting.

"I need you to touch me." She said, and pressed her lips to the warrior's aching palm.

Xena shook her head a little harder, swallowing as the bard's lips sank into her palm. "Gabrielle, I --"

"Xena, I need you to kiss me." Gabrielle continued, running her lips over Xena's knuckles.

"I can't...I..."

Gabrielle wouldn't let her continue. "I need you to make love to me," she pushed on. "I need you to erase every touch my rapists put on my body out of hate and anger and replace it with your love and desire. I need you to re-claim me, Xena, and I need to be able to believe this child is yours."

Xena had never seen the bard like this, calmly demanding, blatantly seductive. She didn't know how to respond. "I don't own you, Gabrielle."

"No," the bard said, not breaking eye contact. "You love me." Unbeknownst to its owner, Xena's hand began traveling down the bard's body. Gabrielle looked at it and back at Xena, who looked at her hand in surprise as well, and a look of guilt spread across her face before she could do anything about it. The bard captured Xena's lips again in a bold, brief kiss, and then rested her forehead against Xena's. "Xena don't make me beg."

The warrior would not stand for that. She brought her lips to Gabrielle's haltingly, still unsure if this was a good idea or not, still unwilling to let herself go. Finally she kissed her fully, pressing her torso flush against the blonde's, but broke away almost immediately, remembering Gabrielle's injuries. "I don't want to hurt you." She breathed.

"You won't." When Xena hesitated a moment too long, Gabrielle kissed her cheek softly and then said, "It's okay. I won't force you, I'm only asking. I'll stop and go back to sleep if you tell me you don't want me."

Xena's eyes lost their hesitation and she leaned in to brush her lips over Gabrielle's ear. Her hand traveled up the blonde's ribcage as she whispered hotly, "How could I not want you?" She kissed her with all the desire in her as she slowly pushed Gabrielle's head down to the pillow, letting her hand finally feel the shape of Gabrielle's breast. Gabrielle gasped at the contact, and Xena pulled away. This time, though, she wasn't stopping. She sat up, smiling a little, and pulled at the ties to Gabrielle's night dress. Gabrielle managed to sit up enough to allow Xena to pull the warm fabric over her head. She then reached up and unclipped Xena's shoulder strap. The warrior leaned down and kissed her as Gabrielle unfastened the leathers deftly, pulled them off and discarded them on the floor. She could not help but reach for the warrior's exposed breast, running a testing thumb over an already hard nipple. The warrior hissed in surprise, and swore. Their mouths reconnected and she slid her tongue in to the bard's mouth, who moaned softly and arched her back, brushing her nipples against the warrior's.

The energy made a noticeable shift as Xena stopped kissing Gabrielle and began to notice all the bruises and cuts on Gabrielle's body. She let her fingertips trace a line down the very middle of her stomach; this was about the only place she could see that wasn't scarred. Gabrielle was so beautiful, and what they did to her...

The bard watched her lover quietly for a moment, and then said ever so gently, "I won't break."

That snapped Xena from her thoughts and she pressed soft kisses to her friend's fair cheek, and neck, and chest, letting a few silent tears mingle with her kisses as her hand explored her body, feather-light. Her soft dark hair caressed her aching skin like silk as she covered each cut with her mouth, soothed every bruise with her lips. Gabrielle slowly closed her eyes, letting Xena's caresses overtake her, swimming in the feelings she evoked. The warrior's slender hand swirled lower and lower, grazing Gabrielle's thigh, then moving back up to her breast. Her skin was humming loudly under the attention, her desire pooling in her lower abdomen like hot metal. When Xena's fingertips finally brushed her core, Gabrielle nearly went through the roof. Xena was surprised to find her so incredibly wet. She came back and covered Gabrielle's mouth in a tender kiss as she slid a finger inside.

Gabrielle cried out instantly, both because she wanted Xena so badly, and because she had overestimated how well she'd healed. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but at the same time, it was the most wonderful sensation in the world. Xena pulled out and looked at her, startled. "Did I hurt you?"

Gabrielle caught her wrist before she could bring it up very far. "No." She growled. "No, by the gods you can't stop now."

Xena cracked an adoring smile and kissed her softly, twice, and then took her mouth with all the warmth and desire she had in her, before she slid a finger deep into Gabrielle's center. She felt the bard flinch, so she let her finger stay very still for a moment before she pulled out slowly and pushed back in. Gabrielle groaned into her mouth and arched her back as Xena started a slow, aching rhythm. The warrior dragged her lips down Gabrielle's neck and nipped gently at her collarbone, intermittently kissing her full lips, and breasts, and closing her mouth over her nipples as she fucked her. Xena's own skin was vibrating as she watched the woman beneath her writhe in ecstasy. Every little sound Gabrielle made sent surges of liquid heat through Xena's veins. Her muscles clenched and released in tandem with the walls of Gabrielle's core, and as she brought the blonde closer and closer to the edge, she wondered if it was possible to have an orgasm without anyone really touching her.

Their rhythm picked up speed as Xena felt Gabrielle's walls begin to close tighter and tighter around her fingers. It wasn't long before Gabrielle's whole body shook and she tipped her head back and gasped for air as Xena brought her to climax. The warrior closed her mouth over Gabrielle's exposed throat as waves of ecstasy shook through her own body, rattling her harder than anything ever before. She whimpered into Gabrielle's neck as she brought the bard down slowly from her orgasm. Falling to her side, exhausted, she flipped her dark hair away from her hot neck and tried to catch her breath. Gabrielle turned and looked at her, just as breathless, and when they noticed they were both trembling, they shared a big smile.

"I love you," Xena whispered.

Gabrielle touched her cheek softly. "I know." She watched as Xena rolled back onto her, supporting herself with her elbows on the matress on either side of Gabrielle's hips. The bard idly fussed with the dark silky locks fanned about her. The women's eyes locked softly and they listened to eachother breathe for a few minutes before Xena spoke.

"We're keeping the baby?"

Gabrielle smiled at the word 'we' in that sentence, and nodded. The relief that poured over Xena surprised her. She smiled back at Gabrielle, then dipped her head to press her lips to the place where there would soon be a growing bump.


	18. A Strange Feeling

HEY! so..another one! Sorry for the long delay, I'm going forward with this as the mood strikes me, and it doesn't seem to strike me that often. So basically this chapter is only to torture you for a few more months until I can come up with another chapter. IF I can come up with another chapter. lol. This has not been looked over very carefully so I apologize if it's a little sloppy. If there are mistakes, don't be afraid to let me know. :)

In other news, I've opened a new account on here, in which I am writing - also very sporadically- Law and Order: SVU fics, and a few others...all femslash. I'm trying to leave this one behind because most of the fics I've done under this name are, in my opinion, rather elementary. So besides this one and a few others, I'm not a fan of the fics on this name. ANYWAY, if any of you wish to know my new name, message me and I'll direct you. Why? Because I like to be sneaky.

Xedra - okay, here's the thought for a video from a million years ago: the song, "Still Holding Out For You" by Shedaisy... in Gabby's POV during the whole "The Quest" problem when Xena is being stubbornly dead. OR, even, post-FIN or even Ides of March/Fallen Angel. Whatever you think, my dear. But we thought it would be a good song for them.

On to the torture-I mean story.

Love to the lovers. :)

* * *

Gabrielle woke in the dark just before dawn. The fire had died almost completely, and it was nearly black in the room. She reached for Xena and found only the mattress, and looked around confused before she made out her silhouette in the darkness. The warrior was perched at the very edge of the bed, her elbows on her knees, the fingers of one hand resting over the knuckles of the other, her mouth tapping non-rhythms on her fingers. Thinking. Gabrielle knew that posture, and it did not sit well with her that Xena was in it right now, just hours after their first time as lovers. She swallowed hard, willed her voice not to shake and failed as she whispered for an explanation.

"Xena?"

The warrior turned her head at the sound and smiled, but didn't turn far enough to meet Gabrielle's gaze or to have tried. To the wall in front of her, she said, "I didn't mean to wake you," and to the floor, she said, "I was just thinking."

"How long have you been awake?" Had Xena turned, she would have seen the bard's eyes illuminating in the deep blue light streaming through the crack in the shutters. Her blonde locks spilled about in haphazard waves, she looked in that moment more like an Amazon queen than ever before.

"Not long. Maybe an hour. You should sleep, it's not yet dawn."

When Gabrielle realized the warrior had not dressed, but sat thinking thus completely naked, she wanted nothing more than to slide up behind her, wrap her arms around Xena's waist and rest her head on her shoulder. Her injuries prevented her that small joy. Instead, she reached out and trailed a finger down Xena's spine. "Why don't you tell me what's troubling you?"

If Xena had been chewing on something, like she sometimes did when they were camping and she was thinking this intensely, she would have thrown it aside in that moment, loosely frustrated. "I would if I knew what it was," she said, showing herself vulnerable and confused like she never had before. "It's just a strange feeling I can't get rid of."

Gabrielle frowned, worried she may be the cause of the feeling. "What kind of feeling?" She asked carefully, as if expecting and fearing the worst from the reply.

The warrior paused, considering it, then answered just as carefully. "Like I'm being played." Curious as to her thoughts, Xena chose that moment to finally turn around and face her lover, just in time to see fear washing openly over Gabrielle's face. Xena gasped silently at the sight of the bard before her, her skin illuminating in the late moonlight, her eyes sparkling like a goddess.

Misinterpreting the intensity of Xena's gaze, all the color washed from the blonde's face. "Xena, I wasn't...I would never..." Gabrielle stammered, flabbergasted. Xena kicked herself when she realized what she'd inadvertently implied, and stopped Gabrielle's frantic protests with a kiss.

"I know," she said, kissing her again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply it was you. That's not what I meant."

The fear gone from Gabrielle's face, but not the concern, she asked, "What did you mean, then?"

Xena sighed and shifted to get more comfortable on the bed. She brushed a few locks of hair off of Gabrielle's shoulders. "I just wish my memory would return." She smiled warmly at the bard reclined below her, drinking in the sight of her. Now was not the time for talk of danger or fear. Gabrielle found Xena's hand in the dimness, laying her own warmly over it as she had countless times before. Xena was sitting in the reality of something she hadn't dared to dream, and if she'd believed in any gods, she would have been thanking them at that moment for the gift of the queen she was touching.

Gabrielle watched in quiet wonder, seeing new things in Xena she'd never been privy to before. And judging by how free-falling her new expressions and emotions were, Gabrielle thought that perhaps Xena had not felt them before. That thought crashed over her like a blast of hot air.

"Xena," she began, hushed. "It's hours yet before dawn now, and I'm very tired."

Xena brushed the hair from her forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you, I'll go out and let you sleep."

"No," Gabrielle caught Xena's other hand. "Stay with me. Please?"

Xena's eyes widened briefly when she realized what Gabrielle wanted. "You know I don't usually like to...uh, cuddle."

Gabrielle grinned at her, and came the closest to laughing as she had since she'd woken from her fever. Her reply was a song. "Oh, yes you do."

Xena frowned in response.

"Xena, every morning you turn over in your sleep and throw your arms around me."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do." When Xena made no move to speak or to lay down, Gabrielle gripped her forearm and tugged. "Lie down," she ordered, still smiling. "You'll see."

Xena smiled to herself as she curled up against the bard, their bodies fitting together perfectly, just like they did every morning. This was her favorite thing in the world - having Gabrielle in her arms, and to have her now like this, embraced finally in non-secret love, was enough to make Xena want to laugh in delight, were she the laughing type. She closed her eyes as she breathed in the warm scent of Gabrielle's hair, and before she had time to fight it, she had fallen asleep.

Gabrielle lay awake, listening to Xena breathe. She took the warrior's hand and put it against her lower abdomen, willing her child to know those hands, to know the calloused yet satin touch that had saved her life countless times. The bard closed her eyes and spoke in her mind to her child, explaining who this was, introducing them, promising them they'd never be apart. She wasn't surprised when she opened her eyes and found Ares standing beside the bed on her side, looking down at them.

The god of war held out his hands in a cocky gesture to show he was waiting for something.

Gabrielle's face took on a look of stern resignation as she met his eyes with cold detachment. She mouthed a single word. "_After." _

Ares dropped his pompous stance, looked at her for a split second with respect, and nodded. As the bard closed her eyes and sank further into the body behind her, Ares made his silent exit.


End file.
